My Journey Through an Existential Crisis

It goes by many names: existential depression, existential crisis, existential anxiety, existential angst… but what is it exactly? It’s pretty hard to describe if you’ve never experienced it. Here is the best definition I’ve found so far:

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Seek Ye First

a blur of people rushing across a busy, city street

I think I have finally figured out what my problem is: I’m addicted to self-improvement.

I don’t know when it first started, but I think it was probably about seven years ago after I had my fourth child. I hardly liked anything about myself. I didn’t like my body, I didn’t feel like I was a good enough mom or wife, I yelled too much, etc. 

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Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

field full of yellow tulips and one red tulip

December 13, 2018

Last night, I was having a conversation with Joe* about a sensitive issue for me and about how I have prayed and prayed about not only this issue but many others. He tried to encourage me, as he always does, but I went to my room feeling sorry for myself.

I tried to pray, but instead poured my frustrations out to God. I even called myself names and told God how worthless I was for not being able to change myself into the woman and mother I want to be. I have had this conversation many, many times with God, but tonight He gave me a word.

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