I think I have finally figured out what my problem is: I’m addicted to self-improvement.
I don’t know when it
first started, but I think it was probably about seven years ago after I had my
fourth child. I hardly liked anything about myself. I didn’t like my body, I
didn’t feel like I was a good enough mom or wife, I yelled too much, etc.
Last night, I was having a conversation with Joe* about a sensitive issue for me and about how I have prayed and prayed about not only this issue but many others. He tried to encourage me, as he always does, but I went to my room feeling sorry for myself.
I tried to pray, but instead poured my frustrations out to God. I even called myself names and told God how worthless I was for not being able to change myself into the woman and mother I want to be. I have had this conversation many, many times with God, but tonight He gave me a word.