Seek Ye First

I think I have finally figured out what my problem is: I’m addicted to self-improvement.

I don’t know when it first started, but I think it was probably about seven years ago after I had my fourth child. I hardly liked anything about myself. I didn’t like my body, I didn’t feel like I was a good enough mom or wife, I yelled too much, etc. 

Lists and Goals

I have read self-help books by the dozens with topics ranging everywhere from money to fitness to spiritual life to parenting- you name it! Also, I love to make lists and goals. In my journal, I have eight different lists for all the things I want to accomplish:

• Be better with money
• Enjoy life more
• Yell less
• Be a better mom
• Be a better saint
• Be a better nurse
• Be better with money
• Keep the house cleaner
• Cook healthier
• Enjoy life more
• Find my life‘s purpose

Each checklist has specific steps for me to take in order to achieve that goal. I even have a separate list for all the things that I want to do daily to help keep me on track. I can’t remember the last time I checked everything off my daily list.

Seek Ye First

I was praying last night and realized that I hadn’t spent any time with God until 11:30pm. I felt like I had failed at being a good saint. Then I was reminded of the verse that’s been running through my head since yesterday- 

“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” -Matthew 6:33

My pastor is very good at teaching us Greek and Hebrew root words. The word for shall is a promise and it means that it will come to pass. So, God has promised me if I will seek Him first then all these other things that I’m worrying about will be added unto me. (I realize the verse in context is referring to food, clothing, etc., but I feel it can be applied to all areas of life.)

Applying the Word

If I wake up in the morning, read my Bible, pray, and seek Him- I’ll be a calmer mom. I will go to work calm and happy; then I’ll be a better nurse. If I pray about financial decisions and trust God will provide, then I’ll be better with my money. If I pause and say a little prayer when my kids are driving me nuts, then I’ll be a better mom and yell less.

I realize these things won’t happen instantly, and I will still have to overcome my flesh daily, but when I’m prayed up and full of the Word, it will be much easier than trying to get through the day on my own.

And surely with all these changes taking place- I will enjoy life more and eventually find my life’s purpose.

Mary and Martha

I am reminded of the story of Mary and Martha:

“Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” -Luke 10:38-42

I am definitely a Martha! Lord, please help me find my Mary.