*If you haven’t already, please go back and read the intro. These letters will make much more sense if you read the intro first, thanks.
June 25, 2015
I’m finding it harder and harder to find someone to relate to me. I always feel like I’m a burden or a pest when I try to talk to other people about my problems. I used to feel as though I could tell my friends anything and they would listen and give me advice. But now it seems they are just listening to be nice and are tired of hearing from me. I can’t say that I blame them. I’m tired of myself and my same old problems too. So, I guess I will just use this time of friendless solitude to take my problems to the Lord, and hopefully change some things. Maybe that’s what God wants me to do, why he’s he has removed all my friends. Who knows? Problems I need to address:
- Being short tempered with my kids.
- Seeking attention when I’m lonely.
- Feelings of hopelessness for the future.
- Feelings of worthlessness as a nurse.
- Feelings of failure as a mom.
- Feeling not good enough in all areas of life.
- Envy of other people’s lives and relationships.
- Fear of being alone for a long time.
- Lack of discipline and motivation for school.
- Lack of discipline and motivation to eat better.
- Spending more quality time with all my kids.
- Keeping the house cleaner and more organized.
Wow, that’s quite a list. In fact, there is hardly anything good about myself that I can think of. But I’ll try:
- Generous giver.
- Forgive easily most of the time.
- Good sense of humor.
- Love to sing, dance, play and read.
- Love nature.
- Love babies.
- Good student when I apply myself.
- Love my church and church family.
- Want to raise godly kids.
- Pray for my kids, family, and friends.
- Fairly responsible with my money.
- Try to do the right thing most of the time.
Hey, look at that! I’m not entirely terrible after all. I guess the fact that I recognize my faults and want to work on them is a good thing, as long as I don’t beat myself self up every time I fall and need a do-over. God, please grant me enough grace and patience to deal with myself and change day by day. If I fail, please help me know it’s okay and give me the courage to try again. Help me to remember that change is a process and not instant, except in certain cases. Help me to lean on you and confide my trials, worries, and loneliness to you. In Jesus’ name, amen.