This is so good. I am so bad at comparing myself to others. I always feel like other women my age are far more put together than myself. Funny thing is, I have had friends and coworkers ask me how I seem to be managing so well. Me?? I must put up a good front, because I’m the conductor of the Hot Mess Express that is my life.
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December 13, 2018
Last night, I was having a conversation with Joe* about a sensitive issue for me and about how I have prayed and prayed about not only this issue but many others. He tried to encourage me, as he always does, but I went to my room feeling sorry for myself.
I tried to pray, but instead poured my frustrations out to God. I even called myself names and told God how worthless I was for not being able to change myself into the woman and mother I want to be. I have had this conversation many, many times with God, but tonight He gave me a word.
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November 27, 2018
Today I was praying, and just fell silent before the Lord. I often do this, just sit in silence and listen. Today I feel like God was telling me, “You can’t take it with you.” So many times, I feel “less than” compared to some of my friends. Wishing I could bake or cook like this one, or dress or decorated like that one.
But today, I feel like… what good is all that? Sure, it’s nice to have nice things or have a nicely decorated home. Nice clothes, nice house, or a nice car, but you can’t take it with you. It might make me happy for a little bit. But soon, I will get tired of those clothes, bored with the decor, the car will get trashed… why bother?
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Apostolic Momma 
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