Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!- Luke 1:45
Welcome to Apostolic Momma! I am a single mother of four beautiful children living in gorgeous western Washington. I am also a registered nurse. I love to write about faith, family, and fun! I am very open about my faith and am willing to answer any questions you may have. Thanks for visiting Apostolic Momma, and God bless!
Want to know more about me? You can read my “not-so-short” bio here. I also just published my first book! You can check it out here.
I’m feeling some kind of way today. It’s Friday, so I should be happy. But I’ve had this strange feeling in my throat when I swallow for eleven days now. Everything I’ve Googled points to a benign condition called “globus sensation”, which is literally just a feeling that your throat is tight or has something stuck in it with no underlying cause. It generally lasts a couple of days to several months. Awesome—just what I need to add to my growing list of annoying, insignificant ailments.
I got prayed for last night at church and have been praying every day for healing. But, as usual, I can’t shake the feeling that it is caused by something more sinister. I am keenly aware that I have a fair amount of health anxiety, better known as good ol’ hypochondria. I guess being a nurse and having a wealth of health knowledge of what things could be doesn’t help.
In times past (like, a couple of months ago), I would quickly make a doctor’s appointment and get things checked out. But this time, I’m inclined to trust God and give Him time to work on my healing. If you remember me during your prayer time today, please say a little prayer for me and my throat—and my health anxiety. I truly desire to be free of both! Have a fabulous Friday, everyone, and an awesome weekend.
This is so good. I am so bad at comparing myself to others. I always feel like other women my age are far more put together than myself. Funny thing is, I have had friends and coworkers ask me how I seem to be managing so well. Me?? I must put up a good front, because I’m the conductor of the Hot Mess Express that is my life.
I used to love to watch the TV show, Hoarders. It always made me feel better knowing that my house wasn’t nearly as bad as theirs. Most times, you could look at the house from the outside and see that there was likely something wrong on the inside. Their hoard would spill over into their yard and driveway. But sometimes, the house looked good from the outside. The grass was mowed, there was no junk or debris, no cars up on blocks, nothing out of the ordinary. But the inside of the house was a totally different story.
So there I was, having a rough night and lamenting to my friend, asking, “When is God going to send me someone??” Boohoo… Rather than further exhaust my poor friend with my pitiful life-woos, I decided to go pray about it. I am so glad I did.
After about thirty minutes of pleading my case to God, I admitted to Him that I was also jealous of how other people can pray the way I only wish I could. Then I remembered a picture someone posted today that said, “No shortcuts exist. The person who would know God must give time to Him.”
Suddenly, it hit me like a ton of bricks: Why would God bless someone whom He doesn’t even know? Sure, He knows of me. I go to church every service and sing in the choir. My kids go to the church school, and I pay tithes. I go to prayer meetings and church workdays. But does He know me?
I don’t particularly like doing outreach. There, I said it. I can be painfully timid when talking to strangers and attempting to witness. Some people are great at it, and if that’s you, Lord bless you. Because I don’t enjoy outreach, I feel as though I am failing to do my part in the great commission.
I have been struggling for the past ten years or so with feeling like an imposter. I know that on June 7, 2011, God filled me with the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues. However, for whatever reason, I’ve rarely been able to speak/pray in tongues since the initial month or so. The capability quite literally disappeared one day; it seems.
When I try to pray, thoughts like “You don’t have the Holy Ghost”, “You aren’t saved”, “You’re not like everyone else”, “If you die, you’re going to hell”, “You’re a fake Apostolic” … and more run through my head. Only my pastor and a handful of others know about this issue until now. Maybe this will help someone to know that you are not alone if this is your struggle too.
I was in prayer today when the thought of my parents came into my spirit. I thank God they are now friends after 40 years of no communication. Suddenly a well of thankfulness rose up in me, and I began to weep. You see, my parents divorced when I was two; and my whole life, I have no memory of them even speaking to each other–let alone being in the same room.
I started my day off feeling like a failure. How’s your morning going? Back on July 4th, I realized there was exactly 180 days until the end of the year. I had the idea to use these 180 days to “do a 180o” and transform my life. I deleted all social media apps from my phone and determined to spend more time in prayer, fasting, and reading the Word.
I was pumped for a little while. You know how it is when you get a new piece of exercise equipment and use it every day? Then every other day… maybe twice a week… when the mood strikes? Yeah, that’s how my 180o is going. At first, I would wake up early to pray before work and pray each night before bed. I would read my Bible and books on prayer or listen to sermons. I looked forward to fasting once a week and spending more time with God.
But lately, when my alarm goes off in the morning, I just roll over and go back to sleep. Sometimes I pray that day, sometimes I don’t. I listen to the Bible App read the Word to me, but sometimes I’m thinking about other things. My weekly fast has lost its appeal. That extra time with God has often been replaced by playing games on my phone. It only took three weeks to slip back into my old routine, and I feel like a failure.