Ramblings from the Wilderness- Part Three

sandy desert at sunset with orange sky

If you haven’t already, please go back and read the intro. These letters will make much more sense if you read the intro first, thanks.

July 2, 2015

Dear Jesus,

 I’m so tired of feeling hopeless. I hate my life. I know I shouldn’t say that, but I do. I am so joyless, better, and angry all the time. I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy. I dream of just lying down to die. I just want to give up. I don’t see the point. I feel defeated.

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Ramblings from the Wilderness- Part Two

desert with blue sky and footprints

*If you haven’t already, please go back and read the intro. These letters will make much more sense if you read the intro first, thanks.

June 25, 2015

Dear Jesus, 

I’m finding it harder and harder to find someone to relate to me. I always feel like I’m a burden or a pest when I try to talk to other people about my problems. I used to feel as though I could tell my friends anything and they would listen and give me advice. But now it seems they are just listening to be nice and are tired of hearing from me. I can’t say that I blame them. I’m tired of myself and my same old problems too. So, I guess I will just use this time of friendless solitude to take my problems to the Lord, and hopefully change some things. Maybe that’s what God wants me to do, why he’s he has removed all my friends. Who knows? Problems I need to address:

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Ramblings from the Wilderness-Part One

desert wilderness with red sand and two small mountains

*If you haven’t already, please go back and read the intro. These letters will make much more sense if you read the intro first, thanks.

No date- circa 2015

Dear Jesus,

I feel so alone, empty, and joyless. I don’t quite know what’s wrong with me, and I sure don’t know how to fix it. I know you see me as I drive to and from work. I just sit there staring off into space with this void in my soul. This is how I truly feel- empty. I feel that the life has been sucked out of me. Like all hope is gone. I feel so lost. I don’t know where to go or what to do. I don’t know how to take care of my kids. I don’t know how we are going to survive.

Continue reading Ramblings from the Wilderness-Part One

Ramblings from the Wilderness- Intro

barren wilderness at night with a small wooden sign written in a foreign language

This is a collection of seven letters that I wrote to God during a very, very dark time in my life. The purpose for publishing these letters is not to get sympathy but rather to give you a look into the mind of someone with mental illness and help the world realize that looks can be deceiving.

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Manic Monday

brown table with a computer screen, two white chairs, a small plant, and black calendar with white numbers on the wall

Happy Monday! Most people think of that phrase as an oxymoron, myself included. Whether you have a career you love or a job you just tolerate until your dream opportunity comes along, we can choose to have a good attitude while at work. Not only will you be more productive (promotion, anyone?), but you might even have a little fun too. 😉

Colossians 3:23-24
Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.

15 Verses for the Hard Days

woman curled up on a bed with her face hidden by her arm

I have struggled with depression and anxiety for about 19 years. Recently, it got to a very scary place where life felt completely meaningless. Not only my life, but all life in general (but that is another post for another day).

My pastor introduced me to Nouthetic counseling and asked me to look up and memorize 20 verses on “the mind”. I wrote these on index cards and carried them around until I memorized them. Most of them are very familiar verses, but some may be new to you. I hope they help.

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You Never Forget

black and white. woman with face hidden by her hair looking out a window

The year 2003 is a dead tie (with 2014) for the worst year of my life. At the start of the year, I was a 24-year-old, married mother of two. By mid-June, I was a divorced, weekend parent living in a cheap motel.

All I had to show for my six-year marriage was a couple trash bags of clothes and a box of personal belongings. Eventually, I acquired an old station wagon with 300,000 miles on it and I figured it was cheaper to live in my car- so that’s what I did.

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I’ve Been There

black and white. person in the dark peeking through a light-filled hole in the wall.

May 2, 2019

Listen, I’ve been there. Maybe not exactly where you are, but there. I’ve suffered with anorexia and told myself I was fat and worthless for eating fruit while wearing a size 3. I’ve been physically, mentally, and emotionally abused while being made to feel like I was the bad one.

Lost custody of my kids then told I was a horrible mother for it. Locked myself in the bathroom and cut my arms while my older kids screamed and cried, pounding on the door.

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