I have been struggling for the past ten years or so with feeling like an imposter. I know that on June 7, 2011, God filled me with the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues. However, for whatever reason, I’ve rarely been able to speak/pray in tongues since the initial month or so. The capability quite literally disappeared one day; it seems.
When I try to pray, thoughts like “You don’t have the Holy Ghost”, “You aren’t saved”, “You’re not like everyone else”, “If you die, you’re going to hell”, “You’re a fake Apostolic” … and more run through my head. Only my pastor and a handful of others know about this issue until now. Maybe this will help someone to know that you are not alone if this is your struggle too.
I have seen and heard this expression many times in the last few years. I usually think to myself that God must really like spending time with me, since I feel lonely much of the time. Then tonight, I felt like God said to me, “Maybe you wouldn’t feel so lonely if you spent more time with Me to begin with.”
There once was a boy who was six months away from his eighteenth birthday. Almost an adult now, he wanted nothing more than to have his own car. All his friends had their own car, but he was still taking the bus to school. Anytime he wanted to go somewhere, he had to find a ride, walk, or ride his bike. It just wasn’t fair.
If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I love my Fitbit. I try to get at least 6,000 steps or 30 active minutes per day (active minutes meaning 30 minutes of continuous movement). This is not as easy as one would think considering I have a desk job and it’s getting chilly outside.
Some days I aim for just getting the 6,000 steps while other days I try for the 30 active minutes. If I’m feeling particularly active, I will go for both! On those days, it would make sense for me to walk quickly or even jog to get the most steps possible in 30 minutes. This made me think about the spiritual application of time.
God didn’t ask me if I wanted to be alive during the circus that is 2020. He didn’t ask me if I wanted my husband to go to prison or if I wanted to lose my house. He didn’t ask if I wanted boys or girls when I was pregnant. He didn’t ask my friend if he wanted cancer. He didn’t ask my coworker if she wanted a special needs child. He didn’t ask hurricane victims if they wanted their houses destroyed. He didn’t ask that couple if they wanted to struggle with infertility. He didn’t ask any of us.
My daughter’s birthday was five days ago. Being the big spender that I am, I bought her a “happy birthday” balloon from the Dollar Tree which was slightly under-inflated to begin with. Today, I noticed it was hovering a couple of feet off the floor.
I love my Fitbit. Every hour it vibrates to let me know that I need to get up and move. When I first got it a little over a year ago, I would actually get up and walk around until I got my 250 steps in for that hour. Over time though, I would ignore the vibration periodically.
I just checked the app to see when’s the last time I got all my hourly steps in during the day. Y’all, it was February of last year! What happened?
Some women love to shop. Me, not so much. It doesn’t help that my age places me somewhere between Rue 21 and Chico’s; no offense if you like Chico’s…
Also, the fact that I’m a single mom who has many bills every month puts my clothing budget far below my taste. I walk past Banana Republic, Kate Spade, and Ann Taylor while gazing longingly through the glass at the beautiful dresses on display.
While driving down the road today, I saw a billboard sign that depicted a family washing their car. The advertisement was for a church and said, “Busy? We now have a 5 p.m. service!”
As a working, single mom, I understand busy. I also understand that weekends are usually more for errands and cleaning the house than anything fun or relaxing. But this billboard just rubbed me the wrong way.