bible verse – Apostolic Momma

Still Alive

I haven’t written anything in over a year. I promise, I’m still alive. Life has just been… life. Nothing spectacular or horrible, just life.

My best friend had a baby. My kids are finishing up the school year. My youngest child will officially become a teenager tomorrow (Lord, help me). My granddaughter will be four in a couple of weeks. We are visiting Ireland in July. My daughter starts driver’s ed this year (Lord, help us all).

Honestly, I feel like I’m in a slump. A rut. Stagnate. I used to be motivated to write all the time. Inspiration would come from everywhere. I truly believe most of my inspiration came from the Holy Ghost. Now, I never feel motivated or inspired to do anything but take a nap. Maybe I’m just getting old, or maybe I’ve tuned God out.

Falling in Love with Jesus

The other day, I saw a video that was talking about how God sometimes won’t answer our prayer because we’ve made an idol out of the thing we want. She went on to explain how God often won’t give us what we want if we want it more than Him. So, what we need to do is take our desire off a pedestal and put God back at the top where He belongs. There is a song called “Clear the Stage”, and the lyrics echo the message in the video:

Anything I put before my God is an idol.
Anything I want with all my heart is an idol.
And anything I can’t stop thinking of is an idol.
And anything that I give all my love is an idol.

We had church later, and while I was praying, I felt like the Holy Ghost was telling me I needed to get back to my first love. I used to get so excited to go to church; I loved it so much. I loved God and all the things of God, but lately my love has gotten cold.

Chain of Events

Have you ever had a chain of events happen that led to something unexpected? If the timing of even one thing in that chain was off, the end result would not have happened. It’s so crazy to me when this happens. In fact, it happened to me just yesterday.

I Lack Nothing

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for the season of Lent to remind us to draw closer to you. I have struggled in my relationship with you. I don’t know if it’s because I never had a close relationship with my father, or what. I have the desire to have a closer walk with you, but I don’t know how to get there. I pray, read my Bible, pay my tithe, and go to church, but it seems like that’s not enough. What more is there? What am I missing?

Don’t Be a Hoarder

I used to love to watch the TV show, Hoarders. It always made me feel better knowing that my house wasn’t nearly as bad as theirs. Most times, you could look at the house from the outside and see that there was likely something wrong on the inside. Their hoard would spill over into their yard and driveway. But sometimes, the house looked good from the outside. The grass was mowed, there was no junk or debris, no cars up on blocks, nothing out of the ordinary. But the inside of the house was a totally different story.

Imposter Syndrome

I have been struggling for the past ten years or so with feeling like an imposter. I know that on June 7, 2011, God filled me with the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues. However, for whatever reason, I’ve rarely been able to speak/pray in tongues since the initial month or so. The capability quite literally disappeared one day; it seems.

When I try to pray, thoughts like “You don’t have the Holy Ghost”, “You aren’t saved”, “You’re not like everyone else”, “If you die, you’re going to hell”, “You’re a fake Apostolic” … and more run through my head. Only my pastor and a handful of others know about this issue until now. Maybe this will help someone to know that you are not alone if this is your struggle too.

God’s Cry

I have seen and heard this expression many times in the last few years. I usually think to myself that God must really like spending time with me, since I feel lonely much of the time. Then tonight, I felt like God said to me, “Maybe you wouldn’t feel so lonely if you spent more time with Me to begin with.”

Delayed but Not Denied

There once was a boy who was six months away from his eighteenth birthday. Almost an adult now, he wanted nothing more than to have his own car. All his friends had their own car, but he was still taking the bus to school. Anytime he wanted to go somewhere, he had to find a ride, walk, or ride his bike. It just wasn’t fair.

Soulful Steps

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I love my Fitbit. I try to get at least 6,000 steps or 30 active minutes per day (active minutes meaning 30 minutes of continuous movement). This is not as easy as one would think considering I have a desk job and it’s getting chilly outside.

Some days I aim for just getting the 6,000 steps while other days I try for the 30 active minutes. If I’m feeling particularly active, I will go for both! On those days, it would make sense for me to walk quickly or even jog to get the most steps possible in 30 minutes. This made me think about the spiritual application of time.

God Didn’t Ask

God didn’t ask me if I wanted to be alive during the circus that is 2020. He didn’t ask me if I wanted my husband to go to prison or if I wanted to lose my house. He didn’t ask if I wanted boys or girls when I was pregnant. He didn’t ask my friend if he wanted cancer. He didn’t ask my coworker if she wanted a special needs child. He didn’t ask hurricane victims if they wanted their houses destroyed. He didn’t ask that couple if they wanted to struggle with infertility. He didn’t ask any of us.