Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

field full of yellow tulips and one red tulip

December 13, 2018

Last night, I was having a conversation with Joe* about a sensitive issue for me and about how I have prayed and prayed about not only this issue but many others. He tried to encourage me, as he always does, but I went to my room feeling sorry for myself.

I tried to pray, but instead poured my frustrations out to God. I even called myself names and told God how worthless I was for not being able to change myself into the woman and mother I want to be. I have had this conversation many, many times with God, but tonight He gave me a word.

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You Can’t Take It With You

Room filled with organized clutter.

November 27, 2018

Today I was praying, and just fell silent before the Lord. I often do this, just sit in silence and listen. Today I feel like God was telling me, “You can’t take it with you.” So many times, I feel “less than” compared to some of my friends. Wishing I could bake or cook like this one, or dress or decorated like that one. 

But today, I feel like… what good is all that? Sure, it’s nice to have nice things or have a nicely decorated home. Nice clothes, nice house, or a nice car, but you can’t take it with you. It might make me happy for a little bit. But soon, I will get tired of those clothes, bored with the decor, the car will get trashed… why bother?

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What Makes Us Human?

black and white. close up of a face showing one eye.

July 12, 2013

Back in my nursing school days, I had a homework question:

” What about our DNA makes us human?”

Moral Conscience

My answer- “Although I have read about and agree with the physical, human characteristics produced by DNA, I believe what truly makes us human is so much more than that. The most intriguing of these traits, to me, is our ‘moral conscience’.

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I’ve Been There

black and white. person in the dark peeking through a light-filled hole in the wall.

May 2, 2019

Listen, I’ve been there. Maybe not exactly where you are, but there. I’ve suffered with anorexia and told myself I was fat and worthless for eating fruit while wearing a size 3. I’ve been physically, mentally, and emotionally abused while being made to feel like I was the bad one.

Lost custody of my kids then told I was a horrible mother for it. Locked myself in the bathroom and cut my arms while my older kids screamed and cried, pounding on the door.

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Epiphany

black and white. little boy holding a light up to his eyes.

May 27, 2017

I believe I just had some sort of epiphany.

My five-year-old was sitting in the bathtub and I was standing there playing on my phone waiting for the tub to fill. And then something told me to put the phone down and go hang out with my son. So, I sat next to the tub on the floor. He just looked at me with his huge brown eyes and smiled and I started to cry.

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I Have This Hope

hand sticking out of water holding a sparkler

April 26, 2019

What is it that causes someone to exhale with relief when finally given a diagnosis after many tests and doctor visits? Why do we feel almost joyous when we find someone who is going through the same thing in life as us? What is it that instantly makes the clouds lift and the colors bright again?

It’s hope.

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