Still Alive

I haven’t written anything in over a year. I promise, I’m still alive. Life has just been… life. Nothing spectacular or horrible, just life.

My best friend had a baby. My kids are finishing up the school year. My youngest child will officially become a teenager tomorrow (Lord, help me). My granddaughter will be four in a couple of weeks. We are visiting Ireland in July. My daughter starts driver’s ed this year (Lord, help us all).

Honestly, I feel like I’m in a slump. A rut. Stagnate. I used to be motivated to write all the time. Inspiration would come from everywhere. I truly believe most of my inspiration came from the Holy Ghost. Now, I never feel motivated or inspired to do anything but take a nap. Maybe I’m just getting old, or maybe I’ve tuned God out.

I think part of the problem is my obsession with audiobooks. I love to read, but audiobooks are better because I can multitask while listening. The downside is, some of them are ten hours or more. I get so wrapped up in listening, I don’t want to do anything that requires me to turn it off, including writing. I also listen late into the night instead of spending time in prayer.

How do I expect to hear from God or be inspired by Him when His voice is constantly being drowned out by other things?

1 Kings: 11- 13 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?

I love this passage. The Lord was not in the wind, earthquake, or fire. He spoke in a whisper. God whispers because He’s close. Elijah covered his face because he knew he was in the presence of God. God asked Elijah what he was doing there. That tells me Elijah was supposed to be somewhere else rather than hiding in a cave.

Am I where I’m supposed to be in life? Am I actively fulfilling the Lord’s purpose and will He has for me? Or am I just floating by and distracting myself from what I should be doing? Audiobooks, godly music, listening to sermons, hobbies, working… none of these things are bad. But if we let them get in the way of our daily relationship with God, they have become a stumbling block.

Lord, help me to put You first in my life. Don’t let me put our relationship on the back burner when I find something else to obsess over. Let me be consumed by seeking You and Your will for my life. Help me to walk in Your purpose and plan. I want to be a good example to my children and bloom in You, not a slug stuck in a rut. Thank you, Lord, for Your grace, love, and mercy. In Jesus’ name, amen.